The Football Association - Screwing Up English Football Since 1863

Tonight I'm going to ramble on about my love for England. Yes for some crazy reason I love our football team, don't ask me why because they are all a bunch of overpaid prances who like to disappoint and let us all down over and over again but I have not missed an England match since Euro 1996. Its annoying supporting your country and to be honest you should never be shocked or surprised in the spectacular ways they let you down but I was born English so that's who I will support for all my sins. It could be worst I could have been born Scottish.

In 43 days time Euro 2012 kicks off. Will England win it? Not a chance. Anything is possible in football. Greece won Euro 2002 against all the odds, Liverpool won the Champions League against all the odds and Chelsea got to the final of the Champions League last night again against all the odds. Will England win the Euros against all the odds? Not a chance in hell!

The FA have done a lot of stupid things down the years. They have only just started to sort out youth development which has led to us falling so far behind the other nations, we are 10-20 years behind the best countries. They put Capello on a four year contract and when they want to sack him they can't as it will cost too much (did they never learn after what happened with Sven) money! Also back in the 70's they refused to appoint Brian Clough when he was at his peak as he was too controversial for The Fa.

Euro 2012 tournament kicks off in 43 days and England don't have a manager, Fabio and FA parted company in February and over two months later we still don't have a replacement. I mean what are these fools playing at? The common reasoning seems to be that we should write this tournament off and concentrate on Brazil 2014. That is ridiculous in itself. First you need to qualify and that is never guaranteed  with England and two when it gets closer to the time there is bound to be a scandal in the media ready to undermine us or a metatarsal or two . You should always go into every match/tournament wanting to win and do your best. I mean who wants to be second best? I don't.

The English FA really are the biggest bunch of collective idiots to have ever existed. Why have they not approached Redknapp, Hodgson, Pearce, Hoddle or Venables etc etc etc (I'm going English as that's what I'm guessing the manager is likely to be) are they scared of upsetting the clubs? Ruining their season? Do they care? There's some managers above who I don't want near the job at all but The Fa need to sort this out. They need to name their man, start talks with the said man/club and work things out. We need to plan and get ready for the tournament. Give it a go and do our best. A lot of fans will spend a lot of money going to Pokraine and they don't need another let down like South Africa.

To me if the FA was a person it would be some rich toff lord of the manor Pratt, someone who wants to do everything proper and never upset anyone by always following protocol. Do you know what I think? Who gives a damn. The day after Capello resigned the FA board should have drawn up a short list and then approached the people interested, interview them and offer it to the appropriate person so the planning could be begin. Who cares if they upset Daniel Levy or any other club chairman. To me country comes first and we should be doing our best to do our best and that is The FA job isn't it? Not to undermine us.

All in all, come the tournament when we all have our flags on cars, I'll be in the pub for the first game with my pint, in my England shirt singing god save the queen just hoping and praying The FA don't stop us doing a Greece.

C ya later!

Never ever anger a cold caller

Not so long ago I made an enemy, a guy from a call centre where they call you and ask a few questions about a survey they are doing. I don't like these calls, I have signed up to the telephone preference service but a few calls still get through. When they do come through I tell them to remove us off the list but they always call back. Its annoying.

Anyway this is where my new tactic came in, I took some inspiration from my sister in law who told a cold caller that her Dad had left them when they asked to speak to him and I decided the next time I got one of those calls I would just simply waste their time! And that is what I did, everytime someone called I would simply say the most ridiculous thing I could until they hung up on me it. It was a fun game as it was only wasting their time!

Eventually I annoyed the wrong person and this how it went down, a man calls up and asks to speak to the homeowner I step in and say yes this is me and he asks if I'll take part in a survey on energy consumption.

Him - 'Who supplies your Gas'

Me - 'Ukranian Gas'

He fills answer in on his computer he has obviously bought my well thought out lie.

Him - 'Who supplies your Electricity'

Me - 'African Electricity'

He again writes the answer into his computer clearly I can say what I want..I think!

Him - 'How do you pay for your energy'

Me - 'Monopoly Money'

Him - 'No no no direct debit, pre-payment, etc etc etc'

Me - 'No I buy Monopoly games and use the money included'

He then has the cheek to have a go at me! He realises all my answers have been lies and he clearly feels a bit stupid and he tells me exactly what he thinks and in his attempt to teach me a lesson he says 'do you want to buy some condoms' As my Mrs testifies apparently my face turned red with anger at this point, I was caught by surprise and didn't know what to say or do so just hung up. Yes I had wound the man up but he got his revenge, or had he...

Over the next one to two weeks he called us most nights, some times the wife answered he would say something stupid and hang up, he would breath down the phone in a creepy manner (guess that's the only way) and if we had the cheek to hang up straight away they would call again!

As you can guess it was annoying but I had clearly annoyed him and he was on some kind of crusade. It was at this point I decided I would no longer wind up cold callers and would just hang up straight away. The calls did stop. Either the guy got fired or he found someone else to wind up. Hopefully its the former.

So that concludes the story of the time I wound up a cold caller, I like to think my lesson has been learned but I'm sure I'll do it again one day!

C ya later!

Teletext - The internet before the internet

I was going to write about the London Olympics, as we are down to the final 100 days before the biggest sporting event since Euro 96, hits the country but while on my lunch break at work yesterday, I came across the following:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/theeditors/2012/04/from_ceefax_to_digital_text.html

and then this

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17745100

Some may think the title is misleading as you would never find Amazon on Ceefax or Tesco.com but Ceefax and teletext were ahead of their time. You could get all the latest news, weather and football updates, it literally was a world of information at your fingertips but just with basic text. Admittedly I preferred the ITV version which was called Teletext but it is exactly the same thing minus the adverts.

I'm going to refer to to this as Teletext as I did prefer that version to Ceefax and for those that don't know, to gain access to Teletext as long as your TV was compatible, you pressed the text button and then the large number you needed. Football on ITV was 401. (yes I can still remember the number!)

Every day after school, then work, I would come home and read all the latest football news, which included latest news and transfer gossip then I would Digitizer and more lately Gamecentral on Channel 4 as I love my computer games. Then the world changed and moved on and left me behind. Digital TV and the Internet came along. Analogue was to be switched, text service on TV were never to be the same again. The day the news broke I was heartbroken. my daily routine was to change for ever, the one constant in my life was to be taken away. Life was no longer certain. Life continues but in this case for the worst. Of course i'm being a little over dramatic here but this ia story and all stories need a bit of romance.

Firstly the Internet killed Teletext on ITV and channel 4 and then the digital TV is killing off Ceefax on the BBC in its traditional form. It does still exist via the red button but it has lost some of its romance for me.

In my opinion and i may sound like an old man in the making, but I think Teletext is better than the Internet. That's right things were better in my day, you heard right, and to top it off I'm going to list the reasons why.

1) Teletext doesn't crash - That's right it wont crash on you, freeze on you or have your broadband connection drop. The occasional bit of bad weather may get in the way but that was few and fair between.

2) Instant information and no extra rubbish - To your surprise instant information did exist before Twitter  it was called teletext and it had all the latest news. The Internet just came along and did it flashier. You could always get the latest news just as quick as you can these days.

3) Easier to use - There's no having to navigate complicated web pages or using your mobile to view the BBC website which is frankly a pain. Teletext was simple. Enter your number and wait for the page to change to get the next bit of the story. Simple.

4) Constant - The style never changed, every now and again our favourite websites change and its not always for the better, some things are just fine as they are.

5) Just the important information - Because of the limited space it only told you what you needed to know none of this X Factor feud rubbish you get on Digital Spy just so they can fill space on a website. Who really cares which celebrity is doing coke with who?

So that is my opinion on Teletext, no longer a part in my life but still in my heart.

C ya later!

The Grand National - It's A Complete Lottery

The Grand National is one of those Great British institutions we all take part in each and every year. Everyone has a bet, your Nan, your Aunt and maybe even your pet dog. We all do a sweep stake at work and for the vast majority of us we will go down to the bookies on the Saturday to put a few quid on the horses and then will ignore horse race again for the rest of the year.

I'm no different. Every year I follow the same ritual I will usually get up, make my way to the local shop and buy the paper, ill come home have a cup of tea and look through the form guide. Ill decide who to bet on, how much (one bet is never enough) and ill make my way to the bookies and place said bet and wait till 4:10 for the race. I'll watch the race and then collect my winnings or enter despair for wasting my money knowing full well i'll follow the same pattern next year.

I'm going to be honest, when it comes to betting on the horses I don't have a clue. I'll read the blurb on each horse and pick a couple who I think may win me some cash but I don't know who races best on what surface, who is on form, jockey history etc etc etc. But does it matter? I don't think it matters too much because to me and I may be completly wrong and ignorant but the grand National is a complete lottery. I haven't watched that much horse racing in my life but the national has somewhere between 30 - 40 horses and i'm sure that, that is more than your average race.You can always guarantee that you will lose a lot of them at the fences because from where I am sitting there are too many of them and you are bound to get a few crashes! I'm sure the better horses/jockey are still more likely to win but it does look like a load of junctions all coming together at once into one giant horse mess!

Another point I would like to make is when the race has started I don't have a clue which my horse is. I realise all the jockeys have a different shirt on but to me the vast majority look the same or at least are very similar looking, so im sat there listening to some over excitig commementator shouting out all these horses names talking at the speed of sounds and when I do hear my horse I still won't know where it is! I hope im not the only one baffled by this but im pretty confident there's a nation of people watching and hoping, holding their betting slips but not really sure what the hell is going on!

It may all sound like a nightmare and a mindfield and it is, but at the same time its enjoyable and for one day in a year most of us are horse racing fans.

C ya later!

Weekend Perils

This weekend the wife and I went to spend the weekend in Scarborough with her auntie staying at her house just a few minutes walk from the seafront. Here is my review of it!

My wife and I fancied a few more breaks away this year, as we spent most of last year saving for a wedding and honeymoon. And what better way to do our first trip, then have free B & B for a long weekend and catch up with a family member! When staying at someones house whether we admit it or not we don't want to be in the toilet and be heard dropping the kids off, if you understand what I mean. So on the first night after we had fish and chips, we were sat downstairs watching TV and I decided to make a break for it and go to the upstairs toilet. Everything was good, the upstairs was quiet and vacant so I started the normal routine of  reading Twitter & Facebook on my phone, just wasting 20 minutes, then just as I decide to drop the kids off I hear two nattering woman walk up the stairs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Already in full motion I could not avert this and as the German bombers started going it was all too late. I knew they heard but luckily I heard not laughter nor shocked gasps. I finished up, washed my hands like a good boy and the first thing I said to my wife when we were alone was did you hear. She said no and all weekend she still said no, I didn't believe her at all and it wasn't till we got home that she admitted that she heard it all and I would think her auntie did too!

Anyway Susan never made note of what she heard, so that's all good, but I'm sure she did. But lets move on. Me and the wife had a cracking weekend up 'norf, we all spent a day in York seeing the sights. We even spent some time on the York Eye which is some kind of counterfeit version of the London Eye. It is somewhere in between the London Eye and a Ferris wheel, you don't really get many sights. The York Minster was all that stood out, granted it was an overcast day but it hardly rocked my world, and it certainly felt like a bit of a cheap imitation of the capitals better version but I couldn't complain too much at £8.50

The next day we did all the usual tourist things, if I could just retire and go on one big holiday that would be the dream. We went to Scarborough Castle, walked along the coast, had fish and chips and about 6 cups of Yorkshire tea day! (per day!)

Saturday night was spent in Ocean Casino. I love a bit of blackjack and when it comes to gambling I can go a little crazy if I don't restrain my self. I was sat at the table with a bunch of regulars, one guy was betting on three hands at a time and I inadvertently stole one of his three slots at the table. Thankfully he didn't beat me up and gladly let me have the slot but he did say he wanted it back. Anyway I put my 15 quid down and decided to see what I could make happen. I quickly made some money then quickly lost it and was down to 3 quid, this is when I hit form. Every decision I made was genius, I started to build my money up, I even did a couple of 6 quid and a 12 quid bet which I won! Before I knew it I was in 20 quid profit. I realise this ain't big time but i was on a budget. I started to panic. This was going too well, I was winning more than losing and I was thinking this is bound to go wrong. The 'respectable' regulars around me were giving me their praise saying I was playing my hands as well as I should, but I decided to bail while on a good run. Bad idea. I went and cashed in and went to the table on the other side of the room. I got 21 quid worth of chips and in 30 minutes I was out, every bet I lost, I get 19 dealer gets 20, I get 20 dealer gets 21 it was doing my nut in. I think you get the idea.

Sunday we made our way up to Whitby and if there is one thing that really winds me up it is enormous crowds of people gathered into a small space, shoulder to shoulder. You don't have room to move, breathe or even think and it gets on my nerves! We walked along the coast into the old town with all these people rubbing groin to groin and I was getting pretty moody and miserable by this point as I can't enjoy my self in those kind of conditions. I had to get out. We made our way to Robin Hoods Bay and had a little walk before going back to Scarborough.

Finally the worst part of any break/holiday for me is the last day, the filler time, the time where you can't really do too much as your going home. So you just kind of do all the boring things, the things you put off all week like buying people presents, wondering around, looking at your watch. So that is when we drove and went to Filey. As seafronts go it was pretty boring and depressing it was a perfect last day holiday destination where you go/do what you can to pass the time.

And that is where this exciting story ends, and I will try and be back on Sunday!

C ya later!

Thou Shalt Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself

Last night while putting the bins out I saw my neighbour who we will call David in a huff getting a little shirty with his neighbour who lives to the other side of him and for this story we will call him Nick pointing angrily at his house, I said hello to David but he ignored me and carried on pointing at his house and telling the man to come in so he could share his supposed grievance.

Literally two minutes later, David knocked on my door. David proceeded to ask if I heard the music over the weekend, I said I hadn't but being married I do have selective hearing. David was telling me Nick has recently split up with his partner (who will call Miriam) and decided to have party's going on to about 3 in the morning on both Friday and Saturday night. David was really worked up, agitated and a little angry which we can all understand and due to a lack of sleep and he had snapped when the music started again at about 7 on a Tuesday evening. Living in a row of terraces sometimes you hear more than you would like and you need to be a little considerate about other people and consider what is reasonable. When David marched Nick into the house Nick denied having a party with loud music but did admit to having one planned for the up coming weekend!

My question to the wider world is what can possess someone to be so inconsiderate and selfish, don't people think before they act, there's loads of clubs and pubs which could cater for Nicks desires over the weekend and it would have given David two decent night sleeps.

I also feel that people don't talk enough these days, in my Grandparents time neighbours used to talk all the time, help each other out and if they had an issue they would talk to each other! On the way home from work tonight on the radio they were saying about an 8 year old boy was told off by the police for kicking a ball too loudly against his neghbours wall in the back garden during the school holidays! Why couldn't the person in question have spoken to the neighbour and tried to sort it out, their grievance could be reasonable for example they could be ill and sleep during the day but a simple knock at the door surely would have been better! I do feel people are too suspicious about one another these days and think the worst in one another.

Well that is me done for the week, i'll be back Monday!

Happy 4 day weekend people!

C ya later

Exercise! The Gym eludes me again!

This is my second ever blog, my first in about almost 6 years when I freaked out after my Mrs went to university and I thought we would break up. It may exist still, it may not but I'm sure its out their in Internet land somewhere.

Will anyone read or comment on this who knows because hell I don't, I thought it would be fun give me a chance to write some thoughts down and a chance to improve my English. That will be the first thing you all notice that my writing skills are not very good, my wife she is always telling me the proper way to write things which can be annoying but for a guy with a C in English at GCSE and an E in English at A Levels I should be a lot better but in all likeliness I'm just another victim of the supposed dropped standards in teaching or just a lack of writing in every day life which has meant skills learned are soon forgotten due to lack of practice.

What will this blog be about? Really it will be me, my thoughts, my life and my opinions. I will try and do two blogs a week. One certainly at the weekend and one during the week if I have the time.

What I really wanted to talk about today was the gym, yes we all know we should exercise for at least 30 minutes a day as per government guidelines which is part of the change 4 life program. Me and the gym have a bit of hot and cold relationship where I go through phases with it, one month I'm going every other day the next I'm not going at all. The reason for this is I get bored of it after a while it gets boring and I need to do something else to keep my motivation levels up. The gym does try to keep me interested they have TVs so I can watch Home & Away, Top Gear, Pointless etc but even that after a while stops working. I just find doing the same exercise over and over to be a bit monotonous after a while and ill temporarily lose interest.

So what do I like about the gym? Good question people and here is the answer you all deserve! When I go to the gym, I feel more alive, more alert, I feel I work better, think better and generally makes me feel happier mentally and physically which is a good thing and as I ever get closer to being 30 I feel health and fitness gets ever more important so I can try and avoid health problems which a bit of exercise can hopefully help you avoid.

So what have will I do to try and avoid this vicious circle? Well I have made the decision this morning to incorporate some swimming into my exercise regime, I have ordered some swimming goggles from the Internet (last time I swam the chlorine destroyed my eyes!) so I can go 1 - 2 times a week, go gym 1 - 2 a week as well and if I can find a squash partner I wouldn't mind giving that a go again as I used to love playing that (not so much the losing as I sucked) when I was a bit younger. I will also check out the fitness class's that are available at the gym and look at doing one of those.

As you can see variety is the spice of life, keep things mixed up, don't always do the same things and follow the same pattern if I can keep my routine varied I will likely find I can keep my self interested for longer and retain my motivation.

Hope you all enjoyed, happy 4 day working week!!!

C ya later!